An Absolute Horo Show

Astrological clock at Venice

Horoscopes; a future telling forecast of your life according to your star sign which is categorised by the month you are born in. So logically the predication is going to be bang on! The idea of reading a forecast of my life that is based on my star sign, whatever that really means, is less than attractive. How low have people’s self respect got for them to think, ‘yeah, actually, I will read a fictional forecast to enlighten me to what will happen in my train-crash of a life’?

As most people, sane ones, would agree that as human beings we are all individuals, there are no two humans the same, like snowflakes. So with this in mind we have to ask why a generic 100word prediction of your week will be of any use whatsoever to anyone? With maybe thousands of readers it would be nothing short of a miracle if the horoscope related to one person’s week in the slightest.

As you may have realised I not a massive fan of horoscopes, funnily enough. They just remind me of a bad horror story; you shall have a bad experience but then love shall be around the corner, oh really will it? I just don’t understand why people put their faith in a prediction that may just happen to have no relation to their life, whatsoever.

Maybe I’m being harsh and horoscopes are a harmless piece of writing aimed to fill people with confidence that their life really isn’t that bad. Yeah, that’s what it is, just a piece of writing not aiming to get poor, low esteemed individuals addicted to reading their predication on the off chance it might say something nice will happen. No it’s not like horoscopes are trying to con people into becoming reliant on reading them to survive this harsh world where ‘love is never too far away’. Eugh, ok, I can’t even be positive about what their aims might be, I just detest them. Seems rather forward but I just don’t really see the point in them, sorry.

I did hear, sources may not be reliable, that the previous French national football team coach Raymond Domenech would pick his starting line up depending on their star signs. Call me liberal but that sounds like a horrific idea. No wonder the French team had some less than successful times under Domenech.

The example above shows how extreme the impact of horoscopes can be on people’s lives, even ones in positions of power which slightly scares me. I hope no one told Boris Johnson about these things!

I suppose what I’m getting at is that life is something that is unpredictable in a nasty as well as brilliant way. Can we ever hope to plan our way through life? I would argue no, because well, it’s pretty impossible. What makes life a joyous experience is that it has so many twists and turns that sometimes what you thought was the worst thing in the world, at the time, has given you the good times you may now be in. Life is a gift and it’s in our hands, the world is ours to live, love, hate and even taste. So why would you want to pin your life to a prediction that is so broad it could fit multiple bags of beans across it (anyone get the pun?), it will only lead to a unsatisfied lifestyle craving that unrealistic target.

To sum up quite magnificently; don’t waste your time waiting for someone to tell you how to live, just do it, you were born to do it. I feel like this got unnecessarily deep, I feel like a ‘life coach’ or something which doesn’t suit well, horrible business! I seem to have so bogged down in my dislike for horoscopes I have given in to emotional guidance for life, please don’t take any notice it’s probably a load of rubbish. I suppose after this I could be accused of writing a dumbed down version of a horoscope, if possible, therefore I should remind you that I’m a student and life is just one big lie-in, trust.