Monthly Archives: August 2012

I’m so British it makes me slightly anxious

Signals for Pilots. British. Johnson's new cha...

Being british is about being awkward, not to mention the innate love of constantly talking about the weather, everyone knows that.This outburst has come about because of a recent revelation and so here we begin, belt up.

It struck me recently, while slumped on the sofa, resembling something of a cat, or a middle aged, depressed, loveless woman, that I am infact ridiculously British by nature, no real surprise for a British person I suppose. However, I’ve always liked to think of myself rather cosmopolitan. What reason I haven’t a clue, probably some White English desire not to be another language flop.

Anyway, the moment I realised what a British toff I am was, typically, when watching tennis, I know, I stink of stereotype. The realisation struck, rather embarrassingly, when I noted that I always feel slightly nervous and awfully awkward, when I see tennis players walking to their seats from opposite sides of the court. The moment that haunts me is when the players have to directly pass each other to get to their seat. You see, there’s not enough room to walk past each other so they have to time it perfectly so to not clash face on. Eugh, the thought of the side step shuffle that occurs when facing an opposing human makes me shudder. If I found myself in the same situation everytime the game had a drinks break, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found myself walking around the opposite side of the net altogether, just to get to the safety of my seat. It’s stressful stuff!

It’s not that I hate human contact at all. I simply find having to negotiate a pass-through,mentally, with someone not well aquatinted, or even a rival, a horrifically unnecessary and displeasing event.
Life is tough being British. It isn’t easy fearing embarrassment induced by social contact. Life is riddled with the stuff, you can’t get away from it, it hunts you down until you collapse into a mush of apologies and nervous giggles.

If you think I’m being ridiculous then you’re probably American, and probably shouting to your neighbour to pop over for a swim with just your speedos on, and your probably taking no notice of the weather report either.

I can’t help but think us Brits have got it all right in a wrong way. Oh did you see the weather we had today? Nightmare.