I’m so British it makes me slightly anxious

Signals for Pilots. British. Johnson's new cha...

Being british is about being awkward, not to mention the innate love of constantly talking about the weather, everyone knows that.This outburst has come about because of a recent revelation and so here we begin, belt up.

It struck me recently, while slumped on the sofa, resembling something of a cat, or a middle aged, depressed, loveless woman, that I am infact ridiculously British by nature, no real surprise for a British person I suppose. However, I’ve always liked to think of myself rather cosmopolitan. What reason I haven’t a clue, probably some White English desire not to be another language flop.

Anyway, the moment I realised what a British toff I am was, typically, when watching tennis, I know, I stink of stereotype. The realisation struck, rather embarrassingly, when I noted that I always feel slightly nervous and awfully awkward, when I see tennis players walking to their seats from opposite sides of the court. The moment that haunts me is when the players have to directly pass each other to get to their seat. You see, there’s not enough room to walk past each other so they have to time it perfectly so to not clash face on. Eugh, the thought of the side step shuffle that occurs when facing an opposing human makes me shudder. If I found myself in the same situation everytime the game had a drinks break, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found myself walking around the opposite side of the net altogether, just to get to the safety of my seat. It’s stressful stuff!

It’s not that I hate human contact at all. I simply find having to negotiate a pass-through,mentally, with someone not well aquatinted, or even a rival, a horrifically unnecessary and displeasing event.
Life is tough being British. It isn’t easy fearing embarrassment induced by social contact. Life is riddled with the stuff, you can’t get away from it, it hunts you down until you collapse into a mush of apologies and nervous giggles.

If you think I’m being ridiculous then you’re probably American, and probably shouting to your neighbour to pop over for a swim with just your speedos on, and your probably taking no notice of the weather report either.

I can’t help but think us Brits have got it all right in a wrong way. Oh did you see the weather we had today? Nightmare.


5 thoughts on “I’m so British it makes me slightly anxious

  1. madisonmckay says:

    I just came across your blog, and I love your humour. Though I really don’t have much interest in the weather.. probably because I’m American. I can’t wait to read more!

  2. Thanks Mandimon!
    Really appreciate your comment Madison, it means a lot to know I’m right about Americans having no interest in the weather- it really does baffle me, it’s so jolly exciting. If you’re looking for more posts then it’s best to head to my new, more regularly updated blog which is here http://thejoeblogs.wordpress.com
    Thanks for reading!

  3. penandfreethought says:

    New blogger!

  4. healthynothangry says:

    Being from Newfoundland, we were British until 1949. We are still like that – no one talks about the weather so much in Canada I don’t think! It’s always so variable – like it’s the only place where you need to wear cut-off snow pants. I don’t think the rest of North America appreciates British humour as much as we do either. I don’t know anyone since I moved that has seen “Are You Being Served.” I mean, come on.

    They must have a few oddballs though, because they manage to take every export and try to “improve” on it. As if there is such a thing.

    Bt trust me, it’s weirder being a hybrid. People don’t REA:LLY understand “sometimes.” There’s a lot of huggers here, man. I am ok with one occasionally, but my GOD why you gotta touch me every time you see me?!??

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